Bear with me here. These last couple of weeks have been rougher than I expected.
I am coming to terms with the fact that my ideas of success might be slowly evolving. While I have never been obsessed with the idea of money and all it entails, I have had an idea that I am not reaching my full potential without a lengthy degree and job title that highlights my accomplishments. That I am striving to reach a point where I feel proud of what I do, because it includes power, for some reason. Recently, and most definitely after getting laid off, I have been trying to focus a lot more on what makes me happy. What would I actually enjoy doing for days and years on end, and not just so that I can have weekends off.
Lately I have been trying my hardest not to compare my own accomplishments to others. Not to let the fact that many of those I graduated with, or even those who graduate after me, have great jobs in great cities, because that’s not productive–nor is it good for the soul. I have been focusing on not kicking myself for all the projects I have started and not finished, and instead focus on what will actually move me forward.
Where am I going with this? Well, while I haven’t done anything too drastic yet, I feel like I am at a sort-of quarter life crisis, where I am reevaluating the steps I have taken so far, and the ones I am yet to take. I thought I had a somewhat (loosely-organized) plan for the future, but that is all out the window and I am considering alternatives that never crossed my mind before. Between grad school in Germany, freelancing forever, and a house in the Norwegian countryside (what?!) -nothing feels absolute at the moment, except for the fact that I am focusing on staying happy. On life, and not just work. On the balance that makes life worth living, and not just a constant wait for the next weekend or vacation, which is the way I often live.
Because I am always restless, and not necessarily satisfied by material spendings. Because I want to see the mountains and the Northwest this fall, followed by going home to Norway for Christmas, and then Africa for the new year, as well as any other trips I might squeeze in between.
And while the idea of school feels safe, though debt-inducing, I want to make it on my own, and learn how to sell myself better than I have been. Because there are so many wonderful creatives that I need to learn from, work with and give myself the chance to soak up their wisdom.
Here goes nothing, as I figure out how to make that big life change! Stay tuned..