(passive aggressive socks from Brandy Melville)
Time has been slipping straight through my fingers lately, and not in the “having too much fun to notice” kind of way. Between returning to my jobless situation, and attempting to find a solution to said situation, I am finding myself constantly drifting between vacation and panic-mode. Too many things have been put off because I needed time to travel and then time to spend with my family, and all of a sudden I am behind on it all, and overwhelmed by the pressure I put on myself.
I have been sending out applications, writing lists of people to ask for advice, and considering going back to school when that feels like the only alternative to waiting tables for the rest of my life. I have a couple interviews coming up, but after losing out on one of my more favorable positions a couple of weeks ago, I am trying to keep my expectations lower this time, and avoid planning ahead too far.
My parents left after roughly ten days here in Nebraska, and every time we say goodbye it is like I am waving my childhood farewell again. Not because I won’t see them again, or that anything will have changed by the next time I head home, but because I stay now. I stay, without a reasonable plan for my near future, and they (after a most-deserved stop in Florida) will be back in the home I grew up in, and though there are moments that feel like I never left, things just won’t go back to the way they were. And they shouldn’t, because that is life, and I will keep telling myself that there are good things to come, and that I am only 24 and life will continue to unfold itself for me.
I will consider this my temporary state of limbo. I know I will get there, at least most of the time, yet I don’t know how, and maybe that’s just another part of the terrifying thing that is to grow up. And maybe, in ten years I will sit back down and write a post titled “What I would tell 24-year old me,” but until then all I can do is keep on keeping on.
And call my parents. And plan more trips that I cannot afford. And